Thoughts

A disorienting feeling came over me today at 5:51, I felt for a second as if someone was a lot closer than they are. It's a feeling that completely uproots you, and for a moment suspends you, just before placing you back on the shaky ground you've learned to sleep on. I was occupying myself with daily closing routines at work, after a long dreadfully boring day of sales, my mind was weaker than it probably normally is. A co-workers girlfriend pulled past the window, to wait outside for him, and they together would leave, and spend the rest of the day with each other. And as I looked out on the class that was running late, I could see a picture of myself and my girlfriend on the screen, no doubt demonstrating some technique. This is where I felt for a second that we were so close, a 5 minute drive home, facing fist clenching traffic, to walk through a door into her arms. The tight knot felt loose, I felt I could breathe, relax, forget about how hard it has been, because it hasn't even been happening. 

It was more than a reminder, a reminder is still an acknowledgement of the present state, and comparing that to a previous condition. This was a dream, a living dream, where everything felt back to normal, as if nothing had changed. And now the distance is ripping me apart even more. Less than two hours away and it feels like planets, warp speeds, and black holes lie on front of us, why? I wonder seriously if it's my mind, did this five second removal come because my mind wasn't processing its normal defenses? I wish I knew, but all I know is that tomorrow will not come sooner, as hard as I try it is unchanged. I will still have to say goodnight over the phone, and wake for work, shaking out the dust from my eyes, alone.